We’ve come a long way, makeup and I. From covering my first pimple to rocking blue mascara.
Here is a trip down my makeup memory lane.
My high school would have saved a lot of money on paint supplies if they dipped all of their brushes onto my face. Of course, everyone’s art would have looked the same: orange and matte. But hey, my private school would have been happy – preserving the school’s image one clone at a time. Once I got a detention for wearing a hair tie that didn’t fit the school colours. It was black.
High school was a weird place. Wonderful and shit. I fake tanned weekly and wore more makeup than 5 girls put together. Don’t get me wrong, it was cool to be as orange as possible in the middle of winter and have skin the texture of soufflé. Pair it with a beige lip, you can’t go wrong.
Once I over-plucked my eyebrows. Thin brows were trendy back then. People thought I was angry 24/7 because of their shape. I definitely was. Fooled them.
I used to wear this coral lipstick. I thought it was so cool, inevitably it was – and heinous but I loved it because people would comment on it. I found it recently and rekindled the flame. If you are in a bad mood, I urge you to put on an ugly lipstick, play some junk music and clean your bathroom. Happiness: 100% success rate.
I took a sick day in high school, coated my pale body in olive oil and perched myself in 40-degree heat for 2 hours. I was a deep-fried mars bar. Hold the salt. I’m so happy I’m cool with my natural skin colour, now.
I had a casual job once and was told off for not wearing mascara. It was in my contract. I went to the mall on my break and wiped off all my makeup. They didn’t’ keep me. Thank god.
I only wear mascara sporadically because it irritates my eyes. Does covering little hairs around your eyes in black goop make you prettier? I don’t know. Maybe. I used to wear mascara to meetings with my old manager. I always found it entertaining that she was kinder to me when I had it on. Is that a thing? Are people kinder to people when they “look prettier”?
I have this fun thing called eczema. In a nutshell: itchy, flaky skin. Reow, sexy. Just think: some of the best things in life are flaky. Like crispy chicken, and your best friend. I used to cover it up, my skin was thick and airbrushed. Now, I look after it and feed it essential oils. I guess my skin recovered from the olive oil incident.
Makeup and I have fucked up a lot of times, but recently we received a lovely compliment. “Your makeup bag is so thoughtful.” YES, yes it is. 6 products. 5 minutes to use them. It took a while but we are happy together now.
I don’t regret my makeup mishaps. In fact, I love them. I’m still learning stuff. I just invested in a really good eyelash curler. So shiny. I get simple pleasure from tweaking my qualities, but most of all I like the me-time. How good is me-time. Not a question.
Speaking of. Bye.Return to issues