Olivia’s 2019

no order:

• Got paid to play dress up and fried my hair in the process
• Chopped up dead mice and got annoyed when people said this was an animal rights issue
• Lived in the 1950s, lived half the world away, lived in a cave 
• Dressed up as a giant ice cream 
• Dressed up as a giant mouse
• Dressed up as a giant lizard 
• Bought loads of dresses and cried in them all. Sent them all back and bought a sequin jumpsuit, cried in that too
• Turned 21 and felt sad about wasting time
• Fancied a lot of gay guys and didnt realise they were gay. Everyone else did 
• Started basing my self worth on the state of my nails 
• Based my entire personality on juuling and bleaching my hair (still working on this) 
• Felt lonely, felt out of place but mostly felt bored. 
• Went to Fluff HQ. Shelby thought I lived in New York. Drank cherry sours and laughed, felt so happy and didn’t want to leave 
• Saw that relationships don’t have to be scary or alien but failed to put this into practice in my own life 
• Tried to eat like a french girl
• Listened exclusively to French music and felt like a pretentious twat but kept doing it anyway
• Met people who made me feel confident and good about myself but continued to spend time with people who made me feel boring and overlooked 
• Became someone who runs
• Became someone who keeps a diary
• Became obsessed with routine and pretended it was self care
• Gave up sugar and my skin cleared up then my hair started breaking off. Called this self care. Realised self care can be code for self destruction 
• Struggled to find middle ground
• Decided to move to a tiny island, eat fruit and ignore the outside world and talk only to animals and in broken Croatian
• Realised I’m too much of an attention seeker for this 
• Realised I need constant praise. Like a small spoilt child 
• Was a bit of a mess but thought that made me more interesting than being anonymous. Embarrassed to admit this 
• Cried at a train station at 4am while a drunk man tried to comfort me 
•  Over shared on social media and had people ask if I was ok. Multiple times. Embarrassing
• Read books to impress people. Not sure if it worked but enjoyed the books
• Tried to understand why people were acting the way they were by obsessively reading their horoscopes
• Made art for the sake of making art and got really sad about having nothing interesting or new to say 
• Started writing stories and tried not to care that they were stupid
• Discovered green
• Ghosted people and was ghosted
• Ate too much 
• Ate too little 
• Spent too much time thinking about food
• Got upset when someone told me I couldn’t live off broccoli and mushrooms 
• Fell in love with Timothee Chalament like everyone in the world
• Fell in love with Harry Styles like everyone in the world
• Realised i have a type 
• Walked a lot. Walked for 6 hours straight in Melbourne 
• Realised it’s easy to say you don’t care what people say about you when people only say nice things 
• Felt embarrassed about having ambition 
• Stopped being a baby and started being honest with myself about what I want and felt upset that I can’t seem to have it
• Met people I used to fangirl over, played it (relatively) cool. Felt like things were coming together 
•  Felt impatient for the future and frustrated by the present