A Momentary Haze

By Laura Payne , October 21, 2022

Read time: 2 Mins

A Momentary Haze Image

I feel like I’m in a bit of a dream.

Because I have no final destination, for the first time in my life, I’m starting to actually enjoy discovering what nourishes me.

Before, work nourished me. I wanted the coolest job, with the best people and the most exciting parties to attend. I got there eventually. I had all the things I wanted, but eventually they ate away at me until I was a husk of a human. 

I left all of it behind to start fresh, try something new and find something that filled my cup rather than emptied it every chance it got. I wanted to be nurtured, rather than taken advantage of. I wanted to feel whole, not like there was something missing.

I was given the opportunity to pause, explore myself and discover who I am and what truly motivates me. I’ve developed a deeper understanding of my own body and mind, as well as a wealth of self-awareness that I truly treasure. 

A while ago, I started trying new things to see what would stick. I put myself out there so I could meet new people, learn from them, and find out what they love about the path they’ve carved out for themselves in this lifetime. Some are trailblazers, others are motivators, and many are creatives, working to help bolster the work of their friends and business art era through their own unique art. 

I’m revelling in this moment. I’m observing the exciting opportunities being presented to me and following my heart, not my head, for the first time. If something does feel right, I leave it alone. If it feels titillating, I dive right in and see where it takes me. 

Some ventures will be a marathon, others a short sprint that I’ll part with when the enjoyment is gone. I won’t cling to things that have lost their lustre like I used to. I won’t fight to keep an idea alive if it’s lived out its purpose. I’m trusting the process for the very first time and although it feels completely unreal, it feels like me. 

It feels like I’m in full control of my life and my energy for the very first time. It’s absolutely intoxicating.

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