April Horoscopes

Identify your current obsession, replace it with this one.

Aries

Tip toeing. Try not to be the elephant in the room.

Taurus

Pop princess, Sky Ferreira.

Gemini

Putting the lid on your water bottle. For everyone else’s sake. 

Cancer

Funny bones. The extra funny ones. If you bring your funny bone along, everything will always be funny. Try not to break it.

Leo

Obsess over avoiding YouTube. Especially makeup tutorials. There’s always things to be doing instead of that. 

Virgo

Birthdays. Remembering birthdays. Once you make a habit of a memory, it becomes a habit

Libra

Buildings. Towers. Building things. Everything is a tower. 

Scorpio

Getting 7 hours sleep. You’re lying to yourself thinking 5 is enough. 

Sagittarius

Unfollowing people. Unfollow everyone you see regularly IRL. If you want to see people, catch up with them. Don’t watch them via your screen. If they’re concerned about an unfollow, tell them you’d prefer to text. And if you don’t want to text them, then they’re probably not your friend.

Capricorn

Dog years. Years are made up. Life is a long day.

Aquarius

Watercolour paints. Forget water, use your tears. 

Pisces

Making your own coffee and bread. You spend too much money.