Brain Fart

By Helen Edgar, August 28, 2018

Read time: 2 Mins

Brain Fart Image

Everything you own

will end up in a hole one day. If you threw away 25% of your stuff, do you think you would feel the same? Your bedroom has so many teapots in it but I don’t see you having any tea parties. They are for decoration. Duh? It’s trendy.

Okay, time’s up. You don’t like them anymore. It’s different to the fact you hate broccoli or that you’re not a “shorts person”. That’s concrete. But this time you changed your mind. Don’t you know yourself? Fuck.

Look up an article, try to figure it out. It’s something to do with brain waves, right? Wait. Play classical music while you research, which you don’t actually like, but you read somewhere it’s good for you.

Segway: if the internet was a person, who would they be? Albert Einstein? No, he is too smart. The internet is stupid. Sometimes. Sometimes it’s really clever, and fun. The internet is more like a dog. Stupid, clever and fun. Yes. Silly me.

Okay. “Why did I throw away my teapots, which I once liked?” ​About 2.110.000 results (0,70 seconds).​ It’s okay, you got this. *Mind goes wandering* Maybe you do really like the teapots. Do you think the local op-shop would have any more? You better go check.

I think you suffer from possession obsession. Don’t worry, it’s treatable.

Something worthwhile is your bed. Think about it. You dream, have sex, read books, cry. It’s a giant marshmallow that watches your life. You dress it up and hug it all night. It also loves you back. I know this. It’s better than a relationship – seeing as you spend 1⁄3 of your life in it. Fact. Those teapots, on the other hand.

Ever thought of orphan beds? You see them on the streets, piled up like dominos, left for dead. Why would you be so cruel to leave them in the rain? They have feelings too, don’t you realise? Perhaps there is a bed heaven or maybe they are reincarnated as pillows. What would you rather be – a pillow or a mattress?

Things are weird. Kind of like relationships. I love you. I can’t imagine my life without you. Okay, I’m bored now. Until you find the one. The love I have for my bed is comparable. Let’s be honest, it’s probably the best thing I own. Not those teapots.


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