Connect The Dots

i write

in the margins of books now

leaving him cemented the fact that my ideas are important enough

like b sides when they become your favourite songs

i used to wish we could have been friends

now that goes to show

how little he valued who i was

and where i wanted to go

he was somebody who couldn’t bother listening

i like to think that to be hopelessly in love with someone 

you would want them in your life

no matter the circumstance, no matter your ego

who would know this would be the true test of all 

the proof i didn’t know i needed

how little he loved me in the way he left like it was his idea

he loves bodies and only liked mine

used like an experience

ticked off a checklist

first girlfriend, first heartbreak, friends to feel sorry for you

i’m grateful 

i will never wake up one day and realise

i shifted my whole life for the sexist security 

of a boy i found kind of boring anyway 

im glad we’re not friends anymore

im glad that’s not what love is

disrespect disguised as flattery

i should have been honoured to have someone want me so bad

love me so bad

but hated things i liked

like wearing rings and posting pictures

resented me enough

to do them the minute i left 

how little depth to pretend it’s romantic

how men only talk to women if they have a motive

only like photos if they want them

men who do and believe that are

1. incorrect

2. to run away from because

3. they love the patriarchy or worse 

pretend it doesn’t exist 

he still doesn’t follow his mother on instagram

when i stepped away i saw the similarities in how he treated her

to how he treated me

i used to think that idea was crazy

but i’m not crazy and neither is she

he always sucked at playing connect the dots

thank god i’m not listening to the same songs he listened to with the girl before

back to her and never back to me

it’s funny how

the only way he would realise this is about him

is if i put his name in the title

disclaimer: this isn’t about one person in particular it’s about those who are afraid to look at anything too deeply when it inconveniences them in anyway