December Horoscopes

What do The Blobs say about you this month?

Aries

You sound boring. Your socks are inside out. Walk there three times, the fourth time will seem easier. Sink a little deeper. Watch Mary Poppins.

Taurus

Earrings are compasses. Use the angles of your earring placement as a compass. I have a teddy bear earring. It’s upside down right now. He chooses where we go. South. Backwards. Nowhere at all.

Gemini

Bread gives your tummy compliments. Have you been watching where you’re going? A wedding dress does not have to be white. You will smile when you want to smile.

Cancer

Green lines. Don’t spin too fast. Toothpicks, they’re more fun than floss. Are you scared of the dentist? A massage is a nice present.

Leo

What do you see in this blob? It’s not your future. If I told you that I could see into your future I would be lying. Here is a thing that is incapable of lying: bubble baths and all the bubbles that surround you.

Virgo

Write a recipe book. Open your eyes underwater. It’s pretty no matter what under there. There is a month for pony tails and that month is now. Not absolutely everything is fulfilling.

Libra

Eat chippies. Ants, they are friends. Would you ever live in a tree? I see a tree. A tree with friends. Friends that are in your hands, you breathe through them, to your bones. Friendly breathing makes friendly bones.

Scorpio

In December, gingerbread men turn into voodoo dolls. Choose your man wisely. Nice boys want you to hang out with them and their friends.

Sagittarius

Christmas doesn’t exist. Christmas lights do. You can zoom in. You can zoom out. The rules do not apply to you. Don’t say it aloud.

Capricorn

Poppy seed muffins, they give you freckles. Like bread crusts give you curls. Remind yourself all of the things that stew together to make you, you. Maybe your stew needs more salt. Less? Keep stirring.

Aquarius

The answer to your answer is okay. People get married for no reason. Try to have a reason. Is a smile really enough? Use your Trash Bag for laundry, it’s never ending.

Pisces

Be a little meaner. Tiny writing holds big secrets. No one can see. What do you promise people? Let your books sun bake. You would have never known about that if they did not tell you about that.