Déjà Vu

By Dakota Warren, September 17, 2018

Read time: 4 Mins

Déjà Vu Image

Debunked, Dakota-style.

How would you explain that unsettling yet ethereal feeling that we’ve lived a particular moment before? A glitch in the matrix? A brain fart? Time travel? Aliens crawling into our ear holes and messing with our brain wiring? After (5 minutes of) extensive research, here are some theories as to what causes the mystery we all experience.

One theory is that Déjà Vu is merely an attentional distraction within a micro-second. So you’ll be walking along, and see a dog. And in that micro-second you’ll be distracted by a sound or a colour or a ray of light. Then you’ll go back to noticing the dog. So the flashback you’re feeling is literally just your body trying to keep up with your brain distracting itself from the present moment, in the present moment. Your pea-brain is forgetting what you’re doing as you’re doing it. Then remembering. Then feeling enlightened as a result. All in the same moment.

A (slightly concerning) theory of Déjà Vu is that we’re having tiny temporal lobe seizures, delaying transmission between our perceptual organs, like our eyes and ears. So as you’re doing a simple every day task, your brain has a micro seizure, causing your senses to go out of whack, all in the teensiest moment. Hence the eery yet intoxicating sense of Déjà Vu that follows as your brain connects back to the present moment. So, your pea-brain does a micro medical fart, but it smells nice… and strangely familiar.

Another (boring) theory is that two cognitive processes that usually work together become unsynchronised momentarily. Like perception and memory, or familiarity and retrieval. This results in your brain tripping out for a millisecond trying to process what is happening in front of it. Basically, one of the cogs in your pea-brain stop rolling for a micro-second, and in that micro-second, you go loopy. Then as you recover you think you’ve seen the future.

And now my favourite theory – the parallel universe theory. Basically, you’re doing exactly what you’re doing, in the exact same moment, in a different universe, thus creating an alignment between the two universes. So two of you will be spreading jam on your crumpets, meaning two of you not only have access to modern day jam and crumpets and a toaster and electricity, two of you really like jam on crumpets. Crazy, right? You’re really pea-brained enough to do the same thing twice. Ever had Déjà Vu doing something shamefully ill-witted? Times that by two. At least you created an alignment, though. Maybe now you can open portals.

Speaking of portals, remember Einstein’s famous (factual) theory of time not existing? The passing of time is an illusion, and the entire universe is taking place at once. Well, if time doesn’t exist, maybe Déjà Vu is our brain momentarily realising this, then freaking out, because our teensy pea-brains that have been crushed down over time can’t handle such enlightenment. We are all just energy and can do whatever we want. Some researchers have hypothesised that each Déjà Vu – or ‘glitch in our system’ – break down the foundations of our universe and chip at portals to other dimensions. How much longer until our clocks stop and the aliens come to take us back to their creation lab?

How about a subconscious sixth sense? What if you really do dream your future? We’ve all heard about manifesting your own reality. Believers in this theory say that your day to day actions project into your subconscious hopes, emotions, and fears. Then as you sleep, while your body rests and recharges, your brain is working overdrive, transforming these projections into your own reality. Basically, you’re a living magnet, and if it’s in your mind, it’s in your universe. This one definitely makes you try to think positive (even if the aliens are coming).

A theory that may or may not have been made up entirely by my own pea-brain is that we’re in a gigantic simulation played out by aliens. And they paused the game to go get a glass of refreshing slime flavoured gloop. And when they press play again, our virtual brains have to remember what we were doing. And commence, brain fart. Definitely the most believable and scientifically supported theory, right?

Which theory do you think is true? I hope its the aliens. I miss them.

Return to issues