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(Don’t) Compliment Me

Dakota is an Extra Terrestrial Super Spy, sent to planet Earth with the mission of studying humans. Her chipped, cherry red nails rhythmically tap on her alien-transmitter; “Day 783. The humans still believe me to be one of their own. Today I slept upside down and kissed a bee and wrote a poem about it."

By Dakota Warren, November 14, 2018

Read time: 2 Mins

(Don’t) Compliment Me Image

Don’t compliment my hair or my figure.

Compliment my words. Compliment my tongue. Compliment the way I colour coordinated my socks with my hair clips and nail polish. Compliment the music you can hear through my headphones. Compliment the way I dot my i’s and cross my t’s.

Don’t tell me I have a nice ass and don’t tell me I look “hot tonight”. Or I’ll poke your eyes out and squeeze your brain through the sockets.

A list of compliments I give myself:

I am SO good at making porridge.

I also make really good vegan lasagne.

I am capable of ANYTHING (except ball sports).

I love my way with words.

I’m so courageous when it comes to hacking my long golden hair off to my chin with kitchen scissors (and I’m good at cutting a straight line too, apparently).

I love how open my mind is.

I’m a good friend (when I want to be).

I rock a naked face.

I love my brain and how much she can cram in.

I wear the colour red like nobody else (in fact, I think I might own it).

My freckles are so cute.

My music taste is ~clearly~ superior.

I have The Biggest Vocabulary™.

I think I have pretty neat handwriting.

I’m a good leader.

I love my extensive knowledge on utter bullshit.

I make the coolest Sim’s and even cooler houses for them.

I’m very proud of myself for how quickly I grew up.

After a brief examination of the above, it’s apparent I may have a minor God complex. Can I blame it on my star sign? (Virgo btw.) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)✿✿✿✿✿✿

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