Dreamin’

Dreams are weird. Dreams are magic.

Sometimes they take me to a safe place, a place I don’t ever want to leave. Sometimes they take me to a place and challenge me, bring scenarios and situations that I want to leave behind. Sometimes they challenge me, sometimes they haunt me. But for some reason I can’t choose which ones I would like to remember.

When I was 5, I used to dream of a witch coming to steal my pet chickens. It terrified me and every morning I would run to the hutch and count each of them, making sure they were all there and awake. I found it scary and wondered why it would happen. And how I could keep dreaming it. I thought dreams couldn’t be repeated. I thought it was a sign. Luckily, the witch never came.

When I was 12, I used to dream of my house catching on fire. I was so afraid to fall asleep, so afraid that it might actually happen. I used to get down on all fours looking under the house, making sure it wasn’t alight- because that’s how the fire started in my dreams- from under the house. It went on for months- nearly a year. My mum took me to see a ‘talking lady’ because I was absolutely terrified my house was going to burn down. Then the dreams stopped, and my house never burnt down.

Dreams came, they went. I wrote some down, wished I would never forget some. I discussed dreams with friends, were we flying? Were we dying? Most were travelling, manifesting, or dating the ones they wished to. Some were unbelievable. Were they true?

My dreams grew to an unknown place some time ago. I was fighting them, telling them to stop. I wouldn’t call them dreams, as they were stuck inside my head. I wouldn’t remember what happened next- I just hoped I would wake up soon. I learnt to talk about my dreams. To discuss what happened, what the people in my dreams were saying to me, did I recognise them, or were they strangers. It made me look at my dreams and discuss them, argue them, break them down. It no longer made them special. I woke up tearing, sweaty and confused.

That was some time ago. Dreams now are a safe place. When I dream, it can be great. Sometimes I wake up and question them, most days they make me smile. Subconsciously, I feel like they’re guiding me. I think dreams have made me help recognise my own emotions: sadness, anxiety, guilt, loneliness, happiness and excitement. No matter the feeling, I remember that it’s just a dream.