Equal Parts, Deep & Shallow


I am equal parts deep and shallow. I want to be respected for my mind, known for my kindness, remembered for my compassion. I want to look good, be known for my style, told that I don’t look my age.

I want all of it.

Cancer changed nothing.
And everything.
Now, I don’t want to be sick.

I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t grief. But there is also liberation. Liberation from the grief of the breasts of my youth, that I of course did not fully appreciate when I had them.

They are so celebrated, so glorified, and yet so judged.
And now, I don’t have any.

I have breastfed children, worn bikinis, bought pretty bras. If I was 30, perhaps I’d feel differently, maybe.

They are not a commodity.
They do not define us.
They do not define me.

Do I feel less of a woman? No.
Admittedly, I’m older.

But, I feel lucky to be traversing this change at this time – a time where ideas of beauty and perfection are rapidly changing and evolving. I do not need to conform to an outdated stereotype.

I can just do me.

Equal parts, deep and shallow.