I am not your sexiiazngurl_69

When you look at me – what do you see?

Do you see my ethnicity and my almond shaped eyes

Wanting to have a taste of something ‘exotic’?

Why is it that when I grew up, the term:

“Eur-asians are the hottest girls in the world” was somehow a pick-up line?

As if I were to turn around and look these boys in the face and say:

“Well, I hope you like MSG – because that’s what my pussy tastes like, so come have a lick.”

I am not a fetish. My vagina does not shoot ping pong balls (that I know of).

I will not dress up in cosplay anime characters.

I refuse to get on my knees and act like a stereotype for your benefit.

And god forbid, I will not be some sort of porn fantasy your 13 year old self had and wants to play out.

Let’s keep it real here.

Yellow fever is another way of saying you’re a fucking racist.

My skin is not a colour.

Because if we’re talking of mixing shades… mixing white and gold makes an awful looking piss colour – and that’s exactly what I want to scream when I get encountered by you men that see me for only half of me: PISS THE-FUCK-OFF-AND-THEN-SOME.

Do you want me to thank you? Smile at how lucky I am?

Appreciate that you’ve acknowledged that I am something you yearn to feel?

Jump right into your lap because you say you love my double eyelids?

The saddest thing is, majority of the time I question if someone is fucking me because of my personality or because they want to travel to Asia without leaving the bedroom.

When I was 10 years old, my mother came home crying from work.

Bullied because of her race, made fun at, and put down by her colleagues.

She pulled me aside and asked me, “do you ever wish you were not asian?”

I did not understand what she meant back then.

Lucky for me, I fell into some weird category that meant I was exempt from ever being fully teased for my race.

Well, only half teased anyway.

It wasn’t until I was older and it was the first boy that said the following while fucking me: “I love your tight asian pussy.”

Can I ask you, all of you, is placebo of feeling a real thing during sex?

I really didn’t think there was a measurement of tightness by country location, but please, do enlighten me.

I want to say a major fuck you to all the men that reminded me that I will never just be a woman, or a human being, or an equal.

I will always be someones ‘sexiiazngurl69’.

Because of you I realise I will always carry my mothers’ question around with me.

So, fuck you. I hope you get MSG poisoning, you fucking assholes.