I Bought a Film Camera so I Don’t have to Post on Instagram Anymore

I read an article about how travelling has been ruined for us now.

How, no place we visit, will ever be more physically charming than that of a photograph. Than an image so carefully manipulated, curated and enhanced. I just couldn’t fully believe it, as much as it did make perfect sense.

Because I do it too. I have an instagram account. Filled with elaborate photographs that took 50 shots to get the right one, a nice filter, an added touch of saturation and half an hours’ worth of makeup on my face. I used to be afraid to admit that. But who was I fooling and who cares? Most importantly, why would I need anyone to believe the opposite? Because we have to be perfect like everyone else, but also unique? But not too unique. I hate this cycle. 

With the things that we consume everyday on our screens it’s difficult to remember that there are intricacies, tiny details and unusual facets to places and to a person’s body. I think that we have gotten mixed up and call them faults or imperfections. When finding them we’re disgusted, we unfollow never really understanding why. When taking a look away from the screen and at yourself, suddenly you see the faults you just unsubscribed from everywhere. All over you. Your thighs are touching, there are freckles and pimples, a waist that barely dips, leg hairs beginning to grow back, crooked nose, cellulite showing, your shirt doesn’t cover your birthmark or the hair under your arms, nails are chipped… blah blah blah.

Although I know that there is nothing wrong with these kind of things, people will tell me when they notice them. They make me feel like I need to question myself. Wait… is it actually dirty to have hairy legs? Why is everyone telling me this? Sometimes it is just a throwaway comment like, ‘your legs are getting fuzzy’ or ‘if you post that, facetune your pimple’. Other times it’s a critique on my hygiene and I’m made to feel ashamed that hair grows on my arms. Like it’s unnatural? It’s a whole other story if we let this creep onto instagram.

But I’m just so sick of who I am online. I don’t like this made-up person that’s not even a person I have created. The problem is we pretend that this doesn’t happen and we pretend that the intricacies that make us who we are don’t exist in fear of being ‘cringe’ or talked about. Yet some of the people so many of us look up to showcase these aspects of themselves – I wonder why they can and I can’t? I wonder why everyone likes photos of youtubers promoting fake products and lifestyles but immediately tear down the people they know who write blogs and start bands?

I want to put poetry in my photo captions and post photos of the sky. I want them to be unedited and I don’t want to worry about getting a good shot every time I go out (please forget what I look like). I don’t want to care about people thinking I bought my followers because nobody likes my photos anymore. I know why they don’t like them and I know what instagram likes. It makes me want to quit my job because I hate working for an industry that fuels things I hate. And I don’t hate a lot of things. Or maybe I do I was just told that hate is a strong word for pretty girls. But I’m not your kind of pretty when I wear makeup the way I like and that’s the start of who I want to be online and offline.