I DON’T KNOW MUCH, BUT I KNOW I LOVE YOU

(a letter about optimism)

Optimism; I have little but I hope I’ll find some soon.

This is more of a letter to an old friend than an article about being optimistic. Due to lockdown I basically have no idea how to communicate like a normal human person. So, this is more about optimism in terms of accountability and communication. I am optimistic, to some extent, about being able to change. I cannot change the way I have been. At the same time as the fact that I am literally the biggest yes man to my detriment of all time, I seem to hurt the ones I love the most by acting like an anxious baby and blaming my ‘trauma’ and ‘triggers’. Thanks, internet. Thanks, Lockdown. Thanks, life.

Look kids, I have learned the hard way that you can’t just act like a dick and blame it on shit stuff you have had done to you. You have to look to the future, pull up your big girl/boy pants and realise that current you will affect future you just like that bad stuff made current you act like that. You need to have optimism, faith and also forgiveness for your future self. I’ve said in the past accountability is sexy, but so is change. So look, be optimistic, because if you are willing to try, that’s the first step. Imma get to steppin’ AKA therapy and accountability.

I’m pretty optimistic about the future.

Even if we are not in each other;

Optimism is all I got.

And also I love you.

Good luck everyone.

Be optimistic about the future.