I turned into a whisper

I turned into a whisper

It wasn’t that it was a secret, even though I felt invisible.

No one could say the word out loud, not because it was difficult to pronounce, it just wasn’t really discussed. Especially out loud.

The frustration and voices inside me, turned to silence and distance all around me.

I didn’t like this identity- it wasn’t one I chose. It wasn’t denial either, it was just something I couldn’t see. 

My world became lonely, cold, scared and unsure. I lost everyone around me, and the one that I really thought I loved.

I was a whisper behind closed doors, a ‘topic’ to be discussed, a place to visit.

As I slowly became visible and paved my way, I realised that I wasn’t sure who to be.

You see, once you become a whisper, others don’t know ‘how to be.’

You feel the heart beats, the lost eyes, the umming and ahhing on both sides with deep long breathes in between sentences. The anxiety.

I so wished I hadn’t been a whisper, I so wished of being nothing, nothing to be spoken about at all.