I’m too old for my age

i definitely was pretty. i know i was. at some point anyway. i’m not sure where it went. maybe it left. i hope it comes back. 13. thirteen years seems so little to me, yet somehow i feel much more racially aware about the things around me like the slurs thrown around and the offensive dark humour. As i grew older, i watched and listened my friends complaining about the complexion of their skin. how asians couldn’t amount to the privilege of a white person. i used to be disgusted. yet every time someone told me i could pass as half white, i would get a tingling sensation. i don’t understand what it was. was it cultural appropriation? i think so. because it portrayed how the less asian i was , the more accepted in society i was. and i wish it wasn’t like that. i wish i didn’t fit in because of how white washed i am.