November Horoscopes

All that jazz your feet need to know about November.

Aries

It’s okay to be sad. Be a sad song. Maybe you are scared. You’re allowed to hide. Sometimes your favourite pen doesn’t cheer you up. Do not curse the pen. Obviously you must curse the stupid planet we live on.

Taurus

Maybe don’t say things you don’t really mean. That could be a nice change. That’s why it’s hard to believe people these days, because people just say anything.

Gemini

Short shorts. Eat worms. Mario Kart rainbow road is a nice place to hang out. Don’t be a dick. Don’t let money hurt your feelings.

Cancer

For a spell, wash your hair with conditioner first. Spend three minutes on your shampooing. Nod your head up and down. That’s a spell to keep your feet safe for the day.

Leo

When you tap your shoes three times, you do go home. You may not leave physically, you were just always meant to be there and where you are.

Virgo

How would you feel if you couldn’t tie your hair up anymore? For the rest of your life? Would you still feel like you with no hair? You should. Draw spaceships on your sneakers.

Libra

Wear black to feel warm. Stupid tattoos are allowed. You are the heart they dot their i’s with.

Scorpio

Serve your food on a different plate this month. Food needs a change of scenery, too. Remember the old lady that lived in her shoe?

Sagittarius

Think of a tiny animal. They’re in your pocket now. Post it notes are encouraged. Bright colours make you sneeze.

Capricorn

Hula hoop. It helps your fun muscle stretch to greater, funnier lengths. A place to giggle for longer.

Aquarius

Say grace. Grace! Where do you go when you go elsewhere? This may be hard to read. Call some time.

Pisces

Find new art to feel pretty. Cross it out. Remind someone else to remind you. Freeze everything. Calculators are people too.

Art by Claudia Van Eeden