Better yet, do I think the things I do are purposeful? A purpose can be a purpose if you’d like it to be a purpose. A purpose you propose to yourself doesn’t have to possess an end point, an outcome or a purpose in itself. Could you say that the purpose to have a purpose is so we feel like we have a purpose? You can fulfil your purpose in many ways. There’s lots of branches on the purpose tree. Maybe my purpose is to find the grassiest grass in all of the land. To find proof that mermaids do exist. Or keep the proof of mermaids in a secret safe place. Because I’m good at keeping secrets and that in itself can be one of my many purposes. A secret keeper.
I can make one of my purposes to help someone find their own purpose. Maybe my purpose is to leave all the ants and buggies alone. I could make them matchstick houses. I could walk around the streets letting everyone know that the end is near. Or the opposite. Maybe I’ll bring back the concept of sending messages in a bottle through the ocean. Reclaim it, like people who believe reclaiming is their purpose. I could bring something back from the past that you never knew you even needed. Something from the future, perhaps. My purpose could include purple blobs. Purple blobs that go on forever. Tiny ones, hiding, like a subliminal message. Right under your nose. I’ll create a purple city. We will play monopoly there and paint on any building or rock we like. Maybe my purpose is to build a sail boat and name it ‘Kewpie’, like my great grandpa did. Maybe I’ll buy one instead of building one, and paint her name on all by myself. My purpose could be to fail. To win as many times as I like. To hurt. And to be hurt. To ruin a few things and build them back up again. To leave the ruins for someone else.
I could purposefully scare in my own right. Terrify people for a purpose I made purposeful. I could make all of my wrongs, right. Or the other way around. My purpose could be to never have a clean pair of shoes. I might forever be known as the girl that can’t drive. The girl that is definitely not a creature of habit, just a creature. And I’ll celebrate all of the creatures far and wide. Does a creature know it’s a creature? Do they know their ‘purpose’ is their purpose? A purpose? Maybe my purpose is to listen. Listen to all the things I want to listen to. Be known as a bother, a botherer. Maybe I’ll never have children and instead my purpose will be taking care of all my books and precious dolls. I could make words my purpose. I could live for Hello Kitty tape. I could only ever wear Reeboks for the rest of my life because my purpose is for my feet to be comfy. A purpose could be to show others another way to think. Create a new way to go. Maybe my purpose is going nowhere. But that could be somewhere.
A purpose of mine could be something broader like finding out how to navigate through it all when you feel like you’re in this world but not of it. Or something more on the inconspicuous side, like listening to what my eyelashes have to say. A purpose could be to try and not feel unwanted. Finding a place where we feel warm. Who says supporting artists or boys in bands by kissing them is not a purpose? A purpose could be never ever endorsing places like sea world. And never capitalising words that I do not think deserve capitalisation. Sometimes my purpose is not feeling scared to go out there in hopes of not, not wanting to go out there.
Maybe my purpose is to change the definition of a word like ‘ugly’. Because what is ugly anyway? Sometimes I think my purpose is to make songs that sound like ’Let Go’ by Frou Frou, ‘Just The Way You Are’ by Milky or this song that is so incredibly shitty that it’s incredibly perfect to me, called ‘Rapture’ by god knows who. Maybe I’ll create a whole new genre of journalism at some point in my life like Hunter S. Thompson. It will be called ‘rubbish’. I’ll make it my purpose to make my rubbish recyclable. I could make my purpose in this life to defeat robots because they give me the creeps. My purpose could be questioning what’s a purpose purposeful for? It could be flushing the ‘word’ purpose down the drain because now it couldn’t make sense if I made the sense up myself. But a purpose can be a purpose, your purpose, if you believe it’s purposeful.