Saya Cantik

Growing up full Indonesian in a predominantly white country, I had always hated my Asian nose and eyes.

I spent hours learning how to perfectly contour my nose just because I thought mine stood out. I used to wear fake eyelashes to school because I absolutely hated how small my eyes are.

It’s crazy that I used to wake up so early just to put on a full face of make up and do my hair…. for school. But it made me feel confident and I became so attached. 

Then there was a point when I just thought “no this isn’t me, this isn’t what I look like”. I gave up and lost the contouring and brow pomade. I wanted people to know me for more than just the ‘girl who always has good make up’. 

I depended on make up for validation and confidence, like I could erase my ethnicity. Makeup was never the problem, it had always been about wanting to fit in.

I used to always think about how my mum would feel knowing her daughter hated the features that was given to her. If I was my mum my heart would be broken.

I began to accept my features by looking at the women in my family. They are so gorgeous without any makeup, so that must mean that I’m also gorgeous.

Now I’m older, I appreciate the beauty in makeup. I have grown to love my Asian features. My eyes are cute! My nose is also cute! And I appreciate the amount of sleep I get in the morning knowing I don’t have to contour or put eyelashes on. 

I’m still in love with makeup, that will never change. But now, I use make up for fun because I love the way a red lipstick makes me feel.

Saya Cantik means I am pretty/beautiful in Bahasa Indonesia