It was the middle of the pandemic – I was bored and my boyfriend was living on the coast, so we weren’t spending as much time as we could together, during lockdown.
My friend and I were chatting about how for some reason – nudes or lingerie pics were just not something we took or sent. It’s not that we didn’t feel comfortable, it’s not that our boyfriends didn’t want them (but neither did they ask for them), but it’s just that we didn’t.
“Send them to me instead.” She said.
“Yeah, I guess why not?” I replied.
And so it started, every morning when I would wake up, the first thing I would do is get dressed – into one of my favourite lingerie sets.
It was a rediscovery, of sorts, of beautiful pieces I’d once bought and treasured, but since neglected.
Perhaps in my current relationship they felt out of place. I don’t know why I hadn’t broached the idea, or why it didn’t feel like a safe space.
My boyfriend had never bought me lingerie. He’d never commented on what I wore either. Sometimes, he’d say “Oh, is that new?” but nothing else.
My friend’s response was far from quiet. Instead she built me up, gently and proudly positioning me on the highest pedestal, explaining how beautiful, how sexy, and how womanly I appeared. She messaged long essays and short poems about how each set showed off my body – a body which in many ways, we’d never shown to each other before.
She did the same. Artistic shots lying on her bed. Dark mirror selfies. From lingerie pics to full blown nudes – we found a safe space with each other.
Never had I felt so empowered and so accepted for my body – never had I appreciated more the women who do this on a public platform, every day. I wanted to join them. And for a brief moment, I did.
My friend’s encouragement encouraged me to send these pics onto my boyfriend. He responded in his own way – I think he was happy, I think he appreciated it, but he never asked for them again. I don’t know why.
By this time, however, I realised I didn’t really need or want his approval or validation. I preferred it from my friend instead.
Eventually, my friend and I stopped sending each other these pics. Not because we didn’t want to, not because we ran out of lingerie – I guess the pandemic ended and we found other things to take over our time. As it goes.
Maybe I’ll send her one tomorrow, unexpected. I feel safe and sexy, knowing I’ll be accepted.
This issue is part of a collaborative discussion with LBDO, centred around all things sex, sexuality, intimacy, identity, and sensuality as part of our current theme of Opportunity & Exploration.
Fluff has always been committed to expressing moods, opinions, feelings and learnings, and we’re excited to partner with LBDO – a brand that wants to share their own. Personal pleasure is as much an expression of our identity as is beauty.
Is there still stigma around sex? Have we become so focused on normalising what was once extreme, that we’ve now made what was once normal, boring? What if sex means something different for everyone? What if sex means nothing to someone?
Have you experimented with your sexuality? Your sensuality? How has it impacted your identity? How have your relationships provided new opportunities for personal awareness and growth? Are you experiencing pleasure at your own leisure? Or at the hands of someone else?
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