Shaneen’s 2020

This year was hard.

And then good. And then hard again. Was it mostly good, or mostly hard? Honestly, I’m still unsure.

I went from three jobs to none, back to one, within six months. I lived (and am still living) through a pandemic. I spent most of isolation incredibly depressed and I felt isolated, funnily enough. Through this, though, I managed to finish my five-year long degree, learned how to knit, and I’m pretty bloody proud of myself.

I do wish that I had given myself permission to wait longer before re-entering the workforce. I need the break. It’s my first job in my industry and I absolutely don’t regret it, but I am very aware of how little time I’ve had to stop and really relax in my whole adult life (spoiler alert: it’s not a lot of time cumulatively). I’m working in the industry I love, but I’m struggling with my work-life balance and I don’t have a lot of time or energy to pursue my other passions.

While I’m still deciding whether 2020 was mostly good or mostly bad, what I have decided is that I’m a pretty resilient person and I’m so fucking proud of myself for making it through. In retrospect, I’m shocked that I did half of the things I managed to get through, and I’m finally going to graduate.

I went on anti-depressants, went to a lot a therapy, attended some protests, moved house, took lots of photos of the sky, tried a lot of new hairstyles, pierced my septum, made cookies, adopted a cat, cut myself iso bangs, downloaded tiktok, tried dalgona coffee (it made me so sick), and fell in love with myself again. I have gained 10 kilos since isolation began but I’m still making a conscious effort to look at myself in the mirror and tell myself “damn, you’re hot as fuck, mate”.

God, this year has been fucking hard. Most days I wake up still exhausted from the day before, but in writing this year in review I’ve realised what a truly resilient person I am, and have become. I’ve remembered all of the traits that I’ve loved about myself and I’ve started giving myself permission to be alone and to enjoy my own company. I’m going to spend the rest of the year reading as much as possible, playing silly mobile games, going for walks and taking more pictures of the sky.