The Lunch Buddy Pt 3

I’ve been having lunch with my best friend for 8 years. And I think we’re full. And tired of eating at the same place.

Some days I feel like I’ve been stood up for our lunch date, some days I feel like he doesn’t want to be there at all, and lately, it feels like I’m sitting eating lunch in the bathroom cubicle, on my own, adding salt flavoured tears to my salad.

Did I see this happening from the start?

We used to talk about tattoos, and leather jackets, and crumpets with peanut butter, blue cheese, and honey.

We used to dream about changing the world together and work till 2 am and get up early and not complain. Creativity was our coffee.

We were all in. Risk it all. Whatever it takes. Every night we’d work late. And now we leave early.

We used to walk down the street and buy a new record every week. Now I go in there and don’t know what to pick. Or maybe I do, it’s just that I want him to choose instead. How am I going to learn things? Like the difference between Blues and Jazz?

We used to pat each others’ heads and pick each other up when we were down. We were a see-saw. What are we now?

We used to make magic together. And now it seems we keep ruining each other’s tricks.

I feel like we know everything about each other and nothing at the same time. We knew this would be hard but I don’t think either of us thought it would be this hard.

Maybe we’ve just grown up. Maybe people change. Maybe there are no maybes. No What Ifs, just What Is.

But surely, if you love someone, you can just snap your fingers and make it all OK. Best friends forever, right? Pinky swear.

I’m sure he feels the same. Maybe he misses his lunch buddy, too.

I always go quiet when he is loud. I’ve recently learned that’s my coping mechanism, and way of controlling the situation: when I stop, it stops. But do either of us want to start again?

I know he’s hurt. I know I’m hurt. I don’t know why we’re leaving. I don’t know why we’ve been hanging on for so long.

Is love staying or letting go? Is this my someone who I used to know?

Maybe our plan is to give up on this plan together?

Maybe one day lunch will taste better on my own.