September Horoscopes

Art by @fkncoco

Co-Star is good but nonsense is better. Today that app told me that self-expression won’t be easy today. Lets see how it goes. Send your friend a wallpaper.

Aries

Go on a boat. It’s easy to remember things. Everything is a riddle. Regift your bad thoughts to a happy home. Or fry them up and eat them.

Taurus

You can never be unhappy when there are bubbles around. If I was going to make a film right now it would be about how I have the perfect idea for a film but I never try to execute it. Because an idea is easy and always perfect in your head.

Gemini

I thought that you would like to know that I’m going to visit Stuart Little’s house and see what’s poppin. Thoughts? Sometimes you look in the mirror and think “hmm I’m not that person anymore. I’m sad about it” and then there can be other times where you think “hm I’m not that person anymore. good”.

Cancer

When was the last time you heard a morning bird? Is it morning right now? Life seems like a deep sigh. A big yawn. And a yawn is air hungry. So you can eat and be full.

Leo

Don’t try to do something different with your nails. Stick to what you know. You know best. If you live in Australia, be grateful for how little we have to pay to get our nails painted. I just paid $150 for the worst nails of my life. Listen to Happiness is a butterfly by Lana Del Rey.

Virgo

You can see anything if you feel like seeing it. Disposable cameras are good for your mental health. Drugs aren’t. Don’t wait for someone to buy you flowers.

Libra

Your true self is always with you in your pocket. Sometimes the most familiar roads you walk all the time seem different at night. Does anyone actually know the back of their hand? I’d like to know.

Scorpio

Have you been purposing around, trying to find a purpose? Do you know a person that you’d like to know when you’re 50? The ideas you have of yourself should be nice.

Sagittarius

Sometimes you grow into your tattoo. Sometimes the meaning comes later. Just like art and most things. You can make stuff sound kind of deliberate and interesting. When really all it is is just a smudge of paint. Or someone else’s name tattooed on your chest.

Capricorn

I hate technicolour. This has nothing to do with you. I just felt like telling someone. When was the last time you told someone something? Your whole life is merely a series of accidents.

Aquarius

Eat sparkly food, like ramen. Bambi is the best film on the planet because it’s simple and everyone understands. Answer this: I wholeheartedly believe that _______.

Picses

There is a bar in New York where you can throw peanuts on the ground. Say to that person “hey I don’t really know what you’re trying to say” if you don’t know what they’re trying to say instead of pretending. Call room service.