Here it is

Dear Fluff, 

“Social media is not real life. But is a reflection.”

When I saw this sticker, it resonated with me. 

Social media is an exaggerated reflection of real life. I am just an adult and I’m slowly working myself out. And it’s weird. 

Life is weird, being in school is weird. 

But the thing that is most weird is love. 

Being an 18-year-old, who is gradually finishing up with school and in a committed relationship, it is hard to know what I want; in my life and with my life. 

And with this current block of restrictions, I have been thinking quite a lot. And with that comes overthinking, which can be fine. But with thinking and overthinking and then thinking again, leads me to confusion. 

Social media does not help this. 

All I see on my social media feeds is about relationships that all involve sex, in some way. But then I also see posts about normalising things, but I notice there are some things that don’t make the list. 

Normalise this, normalise that. I want to normalise not wanting to have sex and not being afraid of what people will think of me.

Sex was such a taboo subject when I was a child, now it’s not. Now, not wanting to ‘do it’, is the taboo thing.  

I, being the new young adult that I am, am feeling like I am being pressured into a lifestyle I don’t see myself wanting or needing. Which, again, leaves me confused.

I don’t want the lifestyle most people want/have. Here I am, not wanting to have sex but still wanting to be in a relationship but not knowing how people will react when I tell them this. It freaks me out. 

I am pressured, not by my boyfriend, but by social media because as it lets me know that to be in a relationship, it involves sex.  

Social media is a reflection. 

An overly exaggerated reflection and I need to remember that. I can’t have some silly application on my phone, telling me what to do or how to live my life. 

All in all, I think life is just really confusing. And weird. Who can I talk to about this? It’s so personal in a way but it is also not. How do I tell my boyfriend that I don’t want to have sex with him? Ever. I don’t think that is something a heterosexual 18-year-old guy wants to hear from their girlfriend.  

I can’t keep using the ‘I’m a child of Jesus’ card forever. 

After talking with my mum and a best friend, I’m starting to work out what I want, and this is why overthinking can be good. I’m starting to realise that my life is my life and I can live it however I would like to. My family and friends, my boyfriend, social media can tell me what to do and how to live my life but that doesn’t mean I have to listen and do what they say. This is my life. I need to start making my own real life and my own reflection. 

I start living my life now. Which started when I irrationally cut my own hair. 

Who cares about social media and what it says.

‘NONE OF THIS MATTERS’