I’m Insecure

I am insecure, and nobody can change that except myself.

“I feel ugly “

“I look so ugly today”

“I don’t want to take group pictures at parties I am having fun at because I feel ugly”

Those words linger through my thoughts and feelings

Through social beauty standards

Through comparisons

I hide my face with my hair

I stopped putting effort into making myself feel nice

Because all I see is made up and effortless beauty

But beauty is more than that

It is more than what you see on the surface

And it took a long time for me to realize that

Compliments from my friends, mom, boyfriend, strangers on the internet help

But what’s the point of planting a flower when you’re not going to water it?

I realize that I, myself, have to water their compliments by being easy on myself

That I should be nice to myself too

That I should feel okay giving myself a compliment even if it’s full of doubt at first

Because growth takes time and it is okay to take baby steps

I started to do my hair

I started to look at the clouds and make myself feel nice

I started taking care of me, again.

And yes, I still have those days where I just want to put my hair down, hide behind my hoodies and my sweatpants

And that is okay

Because beauty is not made up

It is you being you.