Not Talking About Sex

By Ellen Jenkinson, January 16, 2023

Read time: 2 Mins

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It’s not uncommon for me to pair my morning coffee with a thorough discussion about anal sex.

But isn’t everyone doing that?

Today, I feel completely immersed in a progressive, sex-positive and open society. I’ll talk about sex and pleasure with friends, family, customers and the media – anyone who will listen. My

concern doesn’t lie in the virtues of my conversations, but whether ‘normalising the conversation’ is even relevant anymore. I no longer feel like a rebellious trailblazer. In my

experience, we’ve done it, the trail has been blazed. We’re sexually liberated and free, you can buy a vibrator at Kmart.


Or do I just exist in an echo chamber? Do people in Western civilization still blush or recoil at the mention of an orgasm? Not in my circles, sure – but where are we actually at as a society? I

guess the truth lies, as it so often does, somewhere between the two extremes.

After so much oppression, I am thrilled to now live in a world where we talk openly about masturbation, orgasms, STIs, sexual needs and exploits. We’re moving past slut shaming, and

into an era of slut reclaiming and celebrating. An inarguable victory as far as I’m concerned. In saying that, I think it’s important to recognise that everyone’s relationship with sex and sexuality is different, informed by a myriad of factors. While shame is on a rapid decline for sexual beings, we need to make sure that we’re not shaming those who aren’t built that way as well. The idea, I think, is for everyone to feel valid and accepted – not just the conservative, not just the hypersexual.

It’s amazing being in this space; I’m learning just how much sex and pleasure can mean something different for everyone. I’ve spoken with people who feel that sex and pleasure are a

major part of who they are and how they form many of their close relationships. But I’ve also met people who have no interest in sex. That intimate connection with self or others is simply unimportant to them.

I guess, at its core, when we’re talking about ‘sex’, we’re actually not talking about sex at all.

The ‘sex’ I talk about, and what I want to create, is a space for exploration and discovery. A place we can go to where we feel empowered, where we can express individual sovereignty,

where we can just feel good and are not ashamed of it.

Can we normalise that?

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