By Danielle Jung , July 5, 2020

Read time: 2 Mins

princessoftheheartspace Image

Maybe it’s the nature of being in a pandemic, being quarantined in your thoughts, where your reality is flipped upside down. You realise that normal was just an illusion we all shared. If I was truly alone, there wouldn’t be a need to make sense. 

But if I stayed in my metaphorical and literal bed all day, I might as well not exist.

There’s always a line – a sense of black or white when I’m living through my brain. I can’t feel a fucking thing when I live through my brain. I’d worry that if I didn’t, my brain would just disappear. Smithereens! But I don’t need to feel my brain to know it’s there.

Nothing feels real unless I do it from my heart. Nothing lasts.

I want a youth that lingers. A youth that doesn’t fizzle without money. I don’t want to drag this corpse around for nothing. I’m the prettiest when I’m alone. Yeah, I mean that. And caring about people and caring about what people think are two different things. One takes up space in your heart, the other in your brain. They both have a limit. And for the love of god don’t confuse the two.

The void is now a heart space. I am not empty. I never was. I’ve deleted Instagram. And other various forms of social media that kept my digital body alive, yet rotting. I’m pretty sure e-mail is one of the best things we’ve invented as a species. If I still had Instagram I’d change my username to princessoftheheartspace. I might get Instagram again just to do that. I’m kidding but I’m also just casually fortune telling. Which isn’t real.

If we all knew who we were, how and why we wanted to be loved, I wonder what the world would look like. How would we communicate? Would we mean what we said more? Would we be less fearful? Doubtful? Of ourselves and each other. I think we’d be braver about who we are. I think we would care more about our own truths.

We might be more occupied with what’s for us and not for us. Rather than what’s good or bad. Or the best and the worst. Our hearts could have center stage, and our brains, in charge of the lights and the exquisite craft services table. 

But it’s hard to find time to get to know yourself. Especially in a world that doesn’t want you to be empowered. You might overthrow the government or something.

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