Something or nothing

Nothing seems taboo anymore except maybe nothingness itself.

Inactivity feels transgressive in the era of media overload and slashies. When did doing nothing become more defiant than doing something and why do I have to make up things I enjoy because I’m embarrassed to like doing nothing.
Why is an inauthentic something more valuable that authentic nothing?
Have I ever liked doing anything, or has it all been an act to seem like Something?

As I reflect on the past in these Unprecedented Times, all I seem to have gained from my three years at University is debt and disillusionment for something I thought I loved and something I thought I was good at.

But did I ever actually care about the Something or was it just the attention and validation and sense of identity it gave me when I was afraid of being and feeling Nothing?

Do I enjoy creating or did I enjoy creating the illusion of being someone ‘Creative’.
Is it a coincidence that my enthusiasm disappeared as the praise dried up?
I don’t want to be someone who cares about praise, i want to be above that but I’m not.

It’s easy to say you don’t care what people say about you when people only say nice things. I used to be so afraid of Nothing, of doing nothing, liking nothing, being nothing, so I tried so hard to fit in with the wrong Somethings which just left me feeling detached from anything.

Now I like nothing, I feel much more interesting than when i was trying to be Something.