Day 53

(with no end in sight)

Calm. Peaceful. Bliss.

Alarm drones. Eyes open. Dread awakens.

Check phone. Switch between scrolling through Instagram and Tik Tok.

Coffee. Nescafe, oat milk and sugar. A Care Bears cup. Swirl swiftly and gaze eyes upon the city outside the window. Pedestrians carrying canvas Woolies bags. Cars waiting for lights to turn green. Teenagers skating down the bike path. Life wandering. 

Chin up, chest out, eyes glittering. Today I can do anything. Today is another day where I can do whatever I like. No work, no uni. Anything I like, I can do.

Today I will…

Today I’ll…

I’ll…

Go for a walk. But everyone’s walking. People without masks are walking. You don’t want to go near those people. The police will ask you questions.

Okay, I’ll draw in my sketchbook. But you won’t go for a walk? It’s unhealthy if you don’t go for a walk. Besides, what will you draw? Your markers are running out. Your paint pens are expensive and you don’t want to waste them.

Well then, I’ll read a book. It’ll take hours with your attention span. Re-reading the same paragraph three times. You’ve started four different books and haven’t made it past the third chapter for any of them.

Today I’ll hover over decisions like a magnet. I’ll pick apart each option while I stare blankly at my desk. My head will be on fire but my face will be plain. A rested face with a musical that plays disasters in my brain. I’ll drink tea and pet my cat, and it’ll be 4pm before I decide to watch Youtubers talk about minimalism. 

Socks up, trackies on, bra off. Oversized t-shirt and messy bun. Chromecast the H3 Podcast and roll a ciggie. Sit on the windowsill and gaze eyes over the quiet city with red lights blinking and apartment lights glowing in irregular patterns. 

Today was fine. There’s nothing you can control right now. Enjoy the stillness and be ready to embrace it again tomorrow.