In 2021 I learned
how to dance like myself and wondered how I felt.
In January I felt like I was up to speed. I was defensive, sure, but I didn’t know it yet. Something I learned between February and March was that cooking alone is the saddest shit you can do. But I think being sad is a good thing now. I’m getting ahead of myself!
April, I decided to care about my physical health. Which was difficult and aged me mentally. But I’ve heard that I look happier now. Which means a lot when it comes from the right people. Went off the grid. And grew a pretty significant piece of my heart back. By May I had quit cigarettes for a month. Then I noticed the cracks in the castle I had built for myself and decided to started over. It was quite dramatic. There was a lot of dust that made it too foggy to breathe or see even with my night vision and I considered flying away. I stayed put because I’ve never done that before and I wanted to try something new.
Summertime was like a tornado. I was still stuck somewhere in April in July. And got stuck on July when it was September.
Sometime in June, however, some entity had grabbed a hold of me and made me write out a list of rules that I’d forget until now. And somewhere in this limbo where I knew everything and nothing, I asked the universe for help. Which is equivalent to giving up for me. The silence that followed my pleading broke me and somewhere in my anger I began to laugh. I started talking to myself. I asked myself what’s wrong. And I just said over and over again, it was all supposed to be better than this. This was sometime in October, if you’re still keeping along. Then with a heavy, leaky head, I decided that it wasn’t that bad. I patiently waited for those words to mean something and by December, they do. I consider that the miracle I’d been waiting for so I ended up getting what I wanted after all.Return to issues