Freddie

Makeup is my safety blanket and toxic relationship all at the same time.

Dying my hair dark changed the way I felt about my face. Nothing about the way I like to look feels natural to me.

When I look in the mirror after removing my makeup I feel vulnerable, realising that I can’t possibly have the same self-confidence which I rely on.

Being a model since I was 14, I learnt that the only way I could feel equal to the beautiful women I was surrounded by, was through makeup.

Do you still want me without thick dark lashes, smooth skin and bushy eyebrows?

I recognised myself more with makeup, which became suffocating.

When did the way I look become so valuable to me?

I watch as my makeup routine grows over the years, accepting that this is how I want to be seen.

People seeing me without makeup feels intimate. If they can accept the way I look without makeup, then why can’t I?

I ask myself, am I more myself with makeup? I am always myself, I am tempestuous and smart, creative and mildly interesting and that is not what makeup gives me.

Whether I wear makeup or not, at the end of the day, I will come home, strip everything off and read until I fall asleep. The way I look doesn’t define me. I like to be me, and that isn’t changed by what I put on my face in the morning.

I like the way I look, with makeup, but need to learn that the way I look without it, shouldn’t be something I hide.