Freddie thinks she lives in the middle of nowhere, drinks way too much coffee and gets along with your parents. When she writes she feels like an 11 year old and a pretentious poet all at the same time.

By Fredrika von Trott , January 26, 2019

Read time: 2 Mins

Freddie Image

Makeup is my safety blanket and toxic relationship all at the same time.

Dying my hair dark changed the way I felt about my face. Nothing about the way I like to look feels natural to me.

When I look in the mirror after removing my makeup I feel vulnerable, realising that I can’t possibly have the same self-confidence which I rely on.

Being a model since I was 14, I learnt that the only way I could feel equal to the beautiful women I was surrounded by, was through makeup.

Do you still want me without thick dark lashes, smooth skin and bushy eyebrows?

I recognised myself more with makeup, which became suffocating.

When did the way I look become so valuable to me?

I watch as my makeup routine grows over the years, accepting that this is how I want to be seen.

People seeing me without makeup feels intimate. If they can accept the way I look without makeup, then why can’t I?

I ask myself, am I more myself with makeup? I am always myself, I am tempestuous and smart, creative and mildly interesting and that is not what makeup gives me.

Whether I wear makeup or not, at the end of the day, I will come home, strip everything off and read until I fall asleep. The way I look doesn’t define me. I like to be me, and that isn’t changed by what I put on my face in the morning.

I like the way I look, with makeup, but need to learn that the way I look without it, shouldn’t be something I hide.

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