Growing Pains

I don’t want to go to Korea anymore.

When I’m there I won’t be working with brands I value, it will just be whoever I work with through the agency.

I want to be careful not to think I want something when I’m actually being seduced by the idea of looking beautiful all the time, of having luxurious and glamorous things and experiences. 

Fame doesn’t matter. I don’t need validation from everyone, just where it matters. People who have made great choices, philanthropic choices, who have changed part of the world I don’t know of. That doesn’t mean anything about their value. 

I need not get caught up in aiming for something that doesn’t matter. My ego needs to go. 

Modelling gives opportunities, but I want to do it in a way I’m morally happy with. I want to travel and work with ethical brands from a freelance perspective, as I am. I want to work with brands in Melbourne, with brands I like. I want to work with brands who will like what I do outside of modelling. I want to work with people who care about things other than money. It makes me uncomfortable when agencies talk about making money and not understanding why I would make any choice that involves making less. 

I want to be creative-directing more shoots.

I want to be writing articles, essays, poetry. 

I want to have my little creative consultancy and specialise in ethical brands and organisations. 

I want my team to be made of people I care about and respect. 

I want to do global studies, which I’m enrolled in. 

I want to travel but for adventure or reasons that involve helping others. 

I want to do more with Animal Liberation and foster lambs again.

I want to have control and integrity in what I do. And I can do that better representing myself rather than having someone represent me. I think of people I know who model on the side of what they really do. I want to do that.

I want to keep pushing my Instagram and general online social media presence and use it for good. 

I want to be in love and have stability, friends, family, and a partner. 

I want to work with She’s A Crowd. 

I want to work with The Australian Childhood Foundation. 

I want to work with The Orangutan Alliance – which I am, but I want it to be what I really do, not just on the side of modelling. 

I want to study and learn. Maybe I want to do that next year after all.

I want to surround myself with people that make me want to be my best self. My best self is kinder, smarter, more thoughtful, respectful. She puts her energy into what matters. 

I’m scared about the money side, but that’s normal and I’m young. I have growing pains but they’re taking me somewhere really good. Going off my medicine, going towards health without a crutch, going towards working more on what I really care about. I want to live a life that is valuable for others, not just enjoyable for myself.

I trust myself and if I use my head and heart and work on what really matters to me, I can’t go wrong. It’s just choosing to focus on what I care about.

I care about working with creatives and ethical brands. I’ll always have multiple jobs and things happening. Maybe I’ll create an ethical clothing label. Maybe I’ll invent something. Maybe I’ll write a book. But definitely it will be something close to my heart.